[SMT3Master227]

So recently I have some update on my TF situation, but before that, I like to go over the story again for the 100th time since im kind of sort of putting things to rest for a bit.

So once upon a time, 17 years ago when I was in high school, I met a girl that I was friends with. At the time, I thought she was really nice since she used to listen to me talk about games I was into and was curious about me. I met her through another friend of mine that I was more into. We hung out a decent amount but never saw each other again since high school. I did find a letter she wrote me recently that said in it "if you ever need someone, call me anytime", and realized that she knew I had emotion issues as a kid (i grew up in a rough household), so it makes me think what was.

4 months ago, I rediscovered her on the internet since something reminded me about her where I currently live. I live quite a few states away from my original home and where I live now she went to art camp one year as a kid. I looked her up and she lives not too far from me and on paper looks like she was doing well in life. I messaged her for the first time in 15 years and was excited since we have so much in common now a days and it looked like shes recently single. I was taking a trip to the city she lives in now a days so I asked if we could catch up with coffee since I really wanted to hear what shes been up to and was curious to how she was doing.

So, I never got a response and then she blocked me on one website (messeged her on two social media sites). I was really weirded out since out of all the people I tried to reconnect with from forever ago, she was the only one to do this. I deliberated about this for quite some time since I thought I maybe said something wrong (which I didnt, I told like 3 different people what I said and they thought I was being super nice). It was driving me crazy since I felt so sad that she did that. Whats weird is that she only blocked me on one site and not both.

So after doing some research on her last boyfriend, it turns out the guy was a narcissist. This guy targeted her in particular since she makes good money and this guy used her. I read up on a concept known as a "hobosexual", which while in some cases its some guy who gets in a relationship to not be homeless, but its also when a guy wants to use a woman for her money. In this case, the guy would target liberal minded progressive woman that were caring, compassionate and make decent money with a good job. This girl I knew from high school also wasnt super popular with the guys, and I think this was her first serious relationship (she was also super into her school since her parents were strict too).

I think what made her block me was that I was talking about politics (I used to work in the field) and was mentioning how its something we could chat about along with me telling her how well it looked like she was doing (probably thought I wanted her for her money). I think I can safely assume now shes traumatized. Its only been 2 years since the breakup and she left her job shortly after for a few months (which isnt like her, shes always been really committed to things), so my guess is that this guy broke her so bad to where her brain is like soup now, which just breaks my heart.

I wonder though what effect narcissists have on twin flames, since these karmic/false twins are shape shifters essentially. They dont have a real personality and they clone whoever they are trying to take advantage of. I also notice this guy looked similar to me, which is why she was probably getting triggered by me on one site (ended up changing the photo since yeah I get it now). I guess since a narcissist can mirror someone, they give the illusion of a twin flame, but I wonder, if maybe I am really the real one then?

I havent thought about this girl in a long time but I have slowly started to have some sort of feelings. Ive read up on art shes produced over the years and its made me connect to her. Now I cant stop thinking about her lol. But now I get that shes severely hurt. I guess I just have to raise my own vibrations if we are really twin flames to help heal her? I never thought any of this stuff before 4 months ago but now Im feeling things Ive never felt before. I been really changing my worldview drastically and becoming more loving and caring in general. I dunno, its strange, its kind of awesome but scary at the same time.

I have some friends that know this girl but been having issues getting in touch with them. I got work to do in the mean time so its not like Im really trying to chase anyone down, but I think in 2024 I want to get serious about trying to figure out what is going on and any ways I can help. I dunno if there is anything I can do, but wow, I just had no idea when initially messaging her how bad things got. I still dont know all the details, but from what I read about her ex, yeah he was a waste of human life sadly. Sad how that guy was her first, but I dunno, I guess im hoping some day I could be her real first.