Wow, just wow!
The other day, with the help of a great YT channel on trauma, I got to a way deeper layer of something than ever before.
Something I'd had in view for years but never to this depth.
It blew me away to realise just how deep and wide this trauma stuff is. I can handle an awful lot but that was almost too much to handle.
I knew I'd need help to get through these enormously deep wounds and patterns that came from it.
Now this afternoon I went to see my mum, who tends to always easily trigger me, especially now that I'm stirring the pot so to speak, hihi.
And Lo' and behold, me being calm and collective, able to explain and just tell without it becoming a lot of drama, seemed to work?!
She listened and occasionally she reacted in a well-meant way that isn't helpful and actually makes me feel guilty and that I did it wrong.
And since I'd explained a lot to her of how it works with examples, I could tell her calmly that that reaction hurt, made me feel XYZ.
And she got it!
It was so good to be able to do this!
We chatted about all kinds of other things too, so it was a great afternoon. Relaxed, we had fun, laughed, actually listened to one another etc.
When I was in the car I could feel peace and rest and tranquility in my body!!
Just because I had finally been able to talk about it with my mother and relate to her in a normal fashion. Without any triggering.
I think I'm already beginning to learn certain things because of what I've learnt from all those vids and exercises I've done.
Small shifts, big effect nonetheless!
Currently a lot of stress has gone, and now I feel tired. Whenever I am able to step out of this hyper alert state that comes with having C-PTSD I feel how incredibly tired I am.
Just goes to show how exhausting C-PTSD is and how logical it is that you develop physical ailments as you constantly deplete your body and energy.
In any case, a very good and fruitful afternoon.
