Is it possible to be prepared for tragedies?

[Starman]

In my opinion people who have had a hard life are often more prepared for other hardships in life then people who have had a cushioned life. I knew a rich guy who never had any hardships and then he stubbed his toe and to him that was a tragedy. I had been through much worst so I did not see what he went through as a tragedy. He angst over a very small thing for months.

Some people are just more resilient than others, and I think the hardships a person may have had as a child may, or may not, better prepare them for hardships they may have as an adult. I have heard the phrase “I have never had anything like this happen to me before” many times; while others just roll with the punches. No good or bad in any of this, just lessons in my opinion.

[Native spirit]

Starman that is so true I have resigned myself for life not being easy
and to expect the hard knocks, because that has been my life


Namaste

[Altair]

Starman, I suppose it’s really hard for health care workers early on but then they develop a thick skin and are so used to tragedy. More than once has a doctor told me issues I’ve had weren’t all that bad. Of course they’d say that as it is a game of comparing.

[Starman]

Altair,, there are a number of occupations like that. As a hospice volunteer I work with both the dying person and the family of that dying person. It is not a tragedy for me but I am sensitive that it is a tragedy for the patients loved ones and I must show empathy when working with a family whose loved one is nearing death.

But as far as an ambulance paramedic is concerned, I had to stay stoic when I arrived on the scene of a tragedy. I could not freak out or get emotional because that person who was in a car accident, a gun shot victim, burn victim, or whatever, was debilitated and looking at me to save their life. I had to move my feelings out of the way because it was not about me.

It was about the person who needed my help as an ambulance paramedic, and I could not do my job if I became emotional about the tragedies which I have seen. It was the same way in Vietnam, as a combat medic you had to deal with the situation, and then much later, when you were alone, cry your eyes out and grieve what you were just exposed to.

Cosmetologist who prepare a dead body for an open casket funeral are very light hearted about their job. They work with dead bodies on a daily basis and it does not bother them. Firefighters see a lot of tragedies, as do police officers, and they know to do their job and deal with their own emotions later. Medical doctors do the same thing. They put their emotions on hold until the job is taken care of. Nurses do that as well.

The thing which impacted me the most was seeing a child severely injured or dead. That is a powerful experience which is very difficult to detach from. I carried a dead baby in my arms many decades ago and the feeling is still with me today. We can put our emotions about these things on hold but we can not hide from them or make like they don’t have any effect on us. I have seen the most hardened combat veterans break down and cry about them killing someone while they were in a war.

[Starman]

The fact is to each person their problem may seem like the worst, that is until you are around someone who is actually going through something worst then you. It does not dismiss your feelings about what you are going through, but it does help to put things in perspective. So as Altair has said, comparisons do have an effect on our perspective.

Doing volunteer work with people who are worst off then me helps me appreciate my life even more. Often when people ask me “how are you doing,” I reply probably better than I think. Because what we think about what we are going through is in the moment and we do not know how our hardships may become assets down the road in future situations.

[Louisa]

I think that you can prepare for a lot, but sometimes you can prepare too much and it's still not enough, and get swallowed into worries over things that end up spiraling beyond your control. In my life, I was able to prepare for many things and I feel like it helped me but sometimes the worries consumed me too much and life kind of stepped in to reset the balance and give me some perspective I didn't know I needed.

Having much time and inclination to read and contemplate deeply upon many potential problems though, and their potential solutions, I feel has saved me from many of the worse things that could have happened in my life and prepared me to handle tragedy in a stoic way. Or other times, tragedy taught me to handle future tragedy. But sometimes the only way out was through, and I was falling hard and fast, but over a long free fall of many years, never crashed completely, and I was able to "build my wings on the way down", by learning, trying this and that, experimenting and opening to new possibilities when I had no other or no seeming better choice.

[Altair]

Originally Posted by Starman

The fact is to each person their problem may seem like the worst, that is until you are around someone who is actually going through something worst then you. It does not dismiss your feelings about what you are going through, but it does help to put things in perspective. So as Altair has said, comparisons do have an effect on our perspective.

I find the act of comparing itself can be a (great) source of suffering. It’s how our mind comes up with LACK. In one place you can feel you lack but then in another setting you just don’t care (much or at all). Issues you see the doctor for, it’s not really up to them to say what is or isn’t a source of great suffering. Some people are ruined for life because they get bullied, others don’t. Just too many variables at work. Everyone is different. Some can be happy with no legs, for others it will really be the end of a meaningful life. It is always easy to say “…but look at that person over there!” but it means very little as suffering is quite subjective.

[Starman]

Altair, I agree. Often when a person compares themselves with someone they feel has more, or is doing better, than them, they may feel like they are suffering. But if they compare themselves with someone who has less, or is doing worst, then them, they may appreciate more what they have. This is generally speaking and it is not always true.

A general approach is to not compare ourselves with others as there will always be people who have more then us, or less then us. A deeper assessment reveals that true wealth is inside of us, spiritual wealth, and not material things we may have on the outside. When we have lost everything which this world has to offer, we are in a great position to gain everything which spirit has to offer. In my experience to get it all you have to give it all up.