Why break ups & regrets?

I've had 2 failed romantic relationships that ended up in bizarre break ups only to be followed by a similar pattern. They didn't want to let go, I was to learn to my own surprise.

In the first relationship there was no fight, only talking and we had in my opinion seemed just fine the hours before, up to a minute or few minutes before I did not see a break up coming up. We had by then been a couple for years, we were young, I was actually younger than he was and we already lived as married, we had stable social life, we were both working, we had friends. We didn't have too much money but we def had more than others our age combined. We had discussed having children and it was decided that was for the future. We were engaged to be married. He had had a drinking problem that I came aware of escalating after a difficult incident in his life where I think he felt like a failure about, and he was not used to that. After having struggled with that chapter he gave up his drinking completely. This was a secret addiction he had and his family was not on board with me just how serious it had become before he quit. He detoxed on his own. I remember the time after he would experience anxiety, but even then he was good to me. We sort of isolated ourselves more during this period. His family and him were against him going to Rehab which I had thought was the best thing to do, as too detoxing on it's own when it comes to an alcoholic addiction can very well be lethal. I also thought there were underlying reasons behind his drinking that I hoped Rehab could help him discover and deal with in a better way than to just drink. He was good to me, no matter how much he drank. Most of the drinking happened in our home in the evenings, away from everyone so I was the only witness. I would too wake up in the middle of the night to find him up, drunk. I met him again several years after the break up and he still had no explanation to offer me to why he had initiated, caused the break up. He told me he only remembered few glimpses of the evening. He did not buy my version of it which floored me because why would I have made it up? What would I gain from it? He never apologized for saying, doing what he did to do this break up. About 4 years after the break up as I saw him again he told me he still saw me as the same, that he had always loved me, that he had kept the ring. I had no idea by then if he was still drinking or having quit it and for some reason I didn't even ask, but he was sober through that time and he seemed more happy in life, had a good job with a good boss he didn't have before (when he was often arguing with his boss that he thought was lousy at what it was doing). He was making more money than before, which was too something I knew he had set his mind to do. He would have girlfriends after our break up but they were somewhat short lasting but that could have been down to his drinking as well if, when that still went on. He would later call me from rehab to thank me for trying to help him in the past and to apologize. I thought he was only apologizing for putting me through his drinking and I did not see his drinking as a reason why he caused our break up, so I happily forgave him as I was actually moved that he had finally been in treatment. I had before thought it was sad as I understood these were important years of his life he was missing, drinking away, when normally that could be a period, if that is what he would have wanted that is, to start a family and built a home. He was good with the children in his family and friend's kids, but he never himself got to be a dad. After a long silence (he knew I was in a serious relationship and had a baby) he wrote me a letter stating I was the love of his life. At the time he was not doing too good. I had a fear it was a suicide note and where to reach out, not knowing how to contact his family or him at first (I did not have the letter as my partner had took the letter from me, read the whole thing - which was more than I did before he took it - and ripped it into pieces and threw it in the garbage, infuriated). It hadn't been a suicide note. He had thought he could die and wanted to just let me know.

The second was too on that guy's initiative (we too had agreed before to be married) and then as there was suppose to be silence after the break up and for one to move on he then would not stop trying to boss, intimidate, be friendly, be loving, be begging. I continued to go no contact til it payed off, we're talking a very long time here, I'm afraid, and it just felt like this intimidating, cruel game when I had before at the break up that we had nothing else to say to one another. I was clear. I wanted him to leave me alone. But he wouldn't.

Why break up with someone and then regret it to the extent that these two acted as if they did? It never made any sense to me at all. First one did not even remember it he claimed but still would not buy my version of what happened and apologize. It was as if he thought he could skip that chapter.

With both these two it felt like some weird game they were playing, only I wasn't playing.

I understand at the heat of the moment in a fight that someone is going to slip those words without having thought it through, but if you do that then don't you then apologize and say you didn't mean it? With the first one we were only talking, if anything it must have been a light discussion, and I only thought we would continue to talk. The other one he called me to him and talked to me, he wasn't shouting or anything.

These two were partly acting as if they hadn't done it, which they had, and then went on behaving in that weird fashion after.

I had not been unhappy with the first guy, he was a good guy, the only trouble with him had been his drinking and that had been sorted out or so I thought by the time of the break up.

When I have broken up with someone I have meant it and have had no regrets, I have thought it through, I never asked to be taken back. I just don't understand their thinking.

I don't know what I had done to either of them for them to break up with me but I was not going to fight them on this as I figured I didn't want no man who didn't want me. After as they claimed they still did want me they still did not excuse, explain their previous behaviors and I did not feel safe. My feelings towards them both had changed. I didn't love them no more. They had treated me, our relationship badly with the break up and not giving me a proper reason why. They didn't man up, so to say. I had thought the first ex was better than that. The second one I had no high expectations off and it was just good ridens.

I took it very seriously if someone dumped me, it showed me that this is not a man to put your faith in. I simply had stop loving them. It was as if they both were surprised they could not boss me back into the relationship and that all the other tactics that followed didn't do the trick either, they just kept at it even if it didn't result in anything, I didn't lean them on, I wasn't enjoying it. I simply did not love them anymore. It was as if they could not get that into their heads. I didn't want them back. I saw them both in a different light, clarity, when they broke up with me. If I was anything - I was too kind to them both during the relationships but I didn't know that was a reason to dump someone over. I thought they were in their rights to have changed their opinion and feelings for me, and so therefor I simply did not want them around me anymore either. I had other people in my life that did want me around and did treat me right, there was no reason why I would accept that kind of treatment. I don't know what they expected me to do when they broke up with me? Beg of them not to? Were they really that dumb? What would I gain from that? If that was all they thought I was worth they were no Mr Right for me. None of them could tell me anything I had done wrong. I would much rather be with someone that appreciated me, as well as me that person too.

I would say both came in strong and then stronger and stronger when everything had been settled, when there was only suppose to be silence and moving on. Before that they seemed agreeable that it was over.

Have anyone else done something like this? Please, share, I'm just trying to understand

[lostsoul13]

Wow_ opportunity is high to understand that these lessons are valuable & what you went through would create you into the person you are too day??!alcohol isn’t the way- but I can understand how a few beers turn into a few more —- alcohol isn’t for everyone- it’s fashion is crazy… seems you’ve had a fair share of relationships that make you grow and think about things, letting go might had come easy- once we are ready to move on nothing will stand in the way of that- it takes courage to step away and good for offering help for rehabilitation- I can understand their side also the very fact (death doesn’t happen to both atoms , at the moment- is enough to see me drink) I was very volatile in those days and to say I didn’t have a drink is undermining the situation… so I can understand both- I drink a lot now always having couple down pub, over Christmas and new year(your not allowed to drink at hostel I’m at- so a few of us go out now and then, to local…) things can happen fast with drinking and it doesn’t take long to go down a path where by things are out of control… moderately Is key… these things of live are all to easy meet with hostility with control and obsessive behaviour… I bet your glad to be free of the chains —- it’s into the future now… maybe being engaged to a few men made you believe in any one can get the Cinderella story- and many it can happen for leading to guards being let down and trust issues-but they went quite your shelter but it seems that they meant it for you(by keeping ring) all I know of is my engagement to my twin flame- it carries you on … all life betaken by the need to carry on… I turn to you.. but what if you don’t have them to turn too..what if they are unavailable?? These things are important in relationships… and have us consolidated - it’s a deep need and depriving it won’t get you very far- seems you’ve consolidated your self… so your value and education is quite different- I have to console my self also- but it half doesn’t make you bitter- dealing with deprivation is best.. but can take a lot of work… seems you’ve done both and it’s great you can feel you can talk about it…

Thank you Lost soul 13!

Yes I too think it is so easy to fall into alcoholism, it can take years and people can get away with it a lot more than other drugs as it is so socially acceptable really and where to draw the line? We were young back then (not that I am so old today ...) and all our friends drank and so on... I think too lots of guys that age - they can be quite the party animals. They did not think he had a problem as long as he was good (and he was good), he was always driving sober and took good care of himself, worked out, worked, people did not see a problem.

I could see how he disciplined himself so if we were out he would even offer to be the sober driver and he was a true gentleman and he was looking out for me, always. He would never flirt with someone else or just go missing. he would know where I was. We were close and we were safe in the relationship. Most my girlfriends had immature boyfriends and they themselves were in fact lots of them too immature and there were frequent make ups and breaks up and it was as if me and him - we just sailed on this calm river. I was 100% myself with him, the good and the bad. We could fight but it didn't mean anything, we were still rock steady.

Unfortunately as I think some people suspected of course it was me behind him not drinking no more - I got enemies I had not seen coming, one of them though I had a bad feeling about from the start and he was a drinker and he I think wanted him to continue to drink, as if he thought I had made him into a sissy. I was looking out for my boyfriend and I loved him way more than that so called friend did, but I wonder if he really saw that.

That he wanted to humiliate me with the break up was something I think I couldn't forgive him for.

He did it at a time when I was home, our home, when I was in perfect harmony, after dinner, when I was - you know - not tough. I didn't have my guards up. I didn't have my shoulders up. I didn't have my attitude. I was vulnerable but thinking I was safe. That was when he spoke like that. When it was over.

I can't help but wonder if he wanted to put me in my place, with the break up and after everything i had been through with him, I gave up my social life too those months of his recovery, I didn't drink. I told him I would not drink for the rest of my life if it only meant he could stay away from it too. It felt as if I was the only one truly afraid to see how addicted he got, how it progressed, and how tricky he was with it ,how he could fool people. He would always look so fresh in the mornings even with little sleep and he was just this mix of freshness and badness all in one.

I suspect he got sort of trapped in time. He did not move on like I did because first of all he knew even if he did not remember that I blamed him for this, that this was his fault.

I remember I was still in some state of shock the day or days after and then he showed up and I began screaming at him, and instead of apologizing he then made an even bad mess even worse as he began to scream at me and then left. I suspected he had been drinking but guess he was sober as he was driving. It just felt like my head would explode.

I can only hope and believe he did move on after he had written that letter, maybe that was his goodbye, maybe after that he was finally done with us, even if that was a ridiculously long time afterwards and he had girlfriends in between as well.

II had done my grieving and I wanted to just move on. I came to that place sooner than he did. Maybe because I never had to think that if I hadn't broken up with him - we would still be together and what would life look like then? I didn't have that - as he had been the one to cause it all.

I also did not have the "secret" alcohol problem - he did.

It was no use being angry with him, even if I was that at first, as I realized he was only sinking deeper into his own mess and I felt sorry for him. It was as if I thought until he hits rock bottom he is not, and either is his family, going to get help. He has to take this all the way, and then I wondered if he would be able to get up again. I was also hoping he was "only periodic" .

It was not until I was in the other relationship with the psycho, when I began to get flashbacks from my previous relationship with the guy who drank, that I could really see as in black and white that my ex, my "bad boy" - was really the good guy, and this if we take aside the break up and him drinking - hoe well he had treated me for years until. And not just me. Just how he was with animals. Just how he was. Just how he was. He was the warmth I didn't have in my life. He was the little things that meant so much. He was the dream of another reality, than the cold, social status, rich background status of this other guy where he felt like an actor and I felt like I had lost my lines and just looked at him and everything around us as if I was suddenly on a different planet.

I believe I was so blessed that the other guy did dump me because I had low self esteem at that point and I let him manipulate me and treat me wrong. That didn't happen over night. That is work in progress.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Have anyone else done something like this? Please, share, I'm just trying to understand

i used to be very much into getting 'revenge' for supposed 'slights'. Revenge being addictive to me... but then when I saw what I lost because of it i always had regrets and wanted to backstep the whole thing. But that wouldn't stop me from doing it again either... Until recently, it has also been very difficult to suffer losses... so many things that should be easy are difficult, I'm just a mess...

But honestly part of the reason I came to understand it is the problem it is was recognizing that I would do it then immediately have regrets... even so it is extremely difficult to lose the 'revenge' mentality, at least for me. Another of the many reasons I'll always be alone I suppose...

[lostsoul13]

It’s all to easy to get lost or go down that secret path- I’m hopeful you have had many lessons that will guard you from anything in the future (friendship including) taking advantage of you : my heart feels because it’s all to easy to slip onto these roads… if a break up was looming then it was probably the best thing and as you said your self your guard was down… I can’t empathy but I know my self and my twin flame—-these things are easy to manipulate you into a downward spiral… admittedly, my relationships with flame was a secure one but I had lot of problems- I suppose that’s why I’m seeing life alone these days- attraction… I was angry (still am) I remember being at peace with flame but it was there like raging hormones… I was easily in addictions with weed(cannibis) and all I dreamed of was being on a island with weed, beer and her —- I was in the game all ways searching for ways to make money- even seeing prison … I knew all to well the ‘bad boy’ exterior… it got away with me and even we talked about being each other’s side kicks that got in a twisted relationship with reincarnation… we said we would die when the other one did—- seeing our atom as twins and the same spin(what happened to her or me happens to the other) but I was addicted to the way I looked working out(it came to easy - right from entering a avarta I was well built and muscular…) I would smoke for hours and drink beer : she didn’t think much of it but I wasn’t working at the time I couldn’t see me doing anything else… I made money by being in the game and the money was good- I was addicted to buying expensive things jewellery, chains, watches, chauffeurs ( expensive cars and houses ) I was living the life working the 9-5 gone last night times dealing with transfers of all kinds … I didnt care because I brought home the money… I don’t think my twin flame would appreciates it much… but I did what I did because I wanted to relax in the days and sleep through the days, blaming my account for having me nap 12 hours every day seemed indifferent while I was jn suspended animation(I couldn’t understand why it wouldn’t let me turn of the life thing off or let me go by nature causes, it seemed like I was working my butt of but the account was lazy… by true nature I’ve seen movies in my life: things you watch to wish you were there or for the imagination… but truly they have cost me greatly… after getting caught i vowed my relationship with the game was over (I dabbled in rap and instrumental music creating my own beats) I gave it up- arts&crafts saved me life—- from Christmas stuff(ever since spending it with children, I vowed to celebrate it forever) I took a couple years off(but I know my subconscious thoughts of them: will one day reach them once light is made and created by the thoughts… reaching them like a diary (this changed my behaviour because I knew one day they would understand- like I’ve been trying to reach them whilst they have been away… they one day will receive the thoughts (this changed my life because they are a constant thought… I knew it was like some diary for them.. and how sorry I was about reincarnation… that it took me a long time to reach to them (by teleportation) I know they all have this available too but it hurts it’s not working at the moment and nothing can be as bad as that—- or worse as that… innocent lives lost like livestock…life is a big boss… and it hurts to be independent—- the fun doesn’t start till at least 20 reincarnations (that’s 20 suspended animations and 20 different avartas with rotation… life can be the biggest lesson of legitimately of all… I count my blessings every day as it comes these days—- seeing education in science and metaphors and metaphysics and physics… mathematics and language.. spiritually also- like the law of attraction… we agreed to this or that’s what it seemed like.. but why? So we wouldn’t be like the grass is greener on the other side—- maybe it’s me once I know you I lose interest…the self was the biggest puzzle I ever had- and being whole with twin flame is the only relationship I need and want—- including the children: I just wish it didn’t happen prematurely… thankful for suspending animation… I’m also thankful your in a better place- I can always resonate with some of what you say in your posts& it’s not always your side I see… life is difficult but we always undermine it by achieving our ambitions to strive to go on!!!

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

i used to be very much into getting 'revenge' for supposed 'slights'. Revenge being addictive to me... but then when I saw what I lost because of it i always had regrets.

That I can understand, that it happens as one feel inferior and angry, in the heat of the moment.

I have also remembered how I was being treated during the break up and some time after with the second break up by someone else, the psycho, and that is something you don't forget. I had not deserved that, that punishment/humiliating behavior I received from that other ex, the psycho. That is something that showed me who he really was. It was so uncalled for. Hadn't he done enough already? It was as if he was superior and yet all he did was to continue to kick on me while I was on the ground.

Later on as he tried remarkably enough to win me back!!!? I thought it was cruel jokes he was making. It was sick. And all that time afterwards. As if he believed he could just tell me he wanted to talk to me and so I was to follow that order as if I was his slave. He was truly disgusting in his treatment of me. As if he could not understand I had changed, my feelings had changed. I was someone else now. I regretted our relationship. He was nothing to me. I only wanted him to leave me alone. Even when he would express through the channels to get to me that he felt "so ashamed", "loved me....and so forth" that didn't help. I did not believe any of his words had any meaning to them. I was at the start of it so afraid that I was now not following his orders and what would happen if I didn't. But I fought that fear. That pull. I was taking back my own power. I can still listen to some love songs and they sing something in line that "let me go" as if it is still up to that other person to decide when you are free, but it isn't so, you don't need that other persons power over you or their decision to be let go. You do that yourself. And then you're free. And it is a great feeling.

I once had this dream as a child or in my pre teens and it had strangely many rights to it, a premonition dream maybe, as that guy in the dream was thought of by everyone to be this great guy but he was not and he forced himself on me and there was the potential pregnancy because of it and I ran to my family for understanding but they too had bought his image and just let him in. In reality my family welcomed me with open arms and no questions asked. They could see something seriously had happened to me.

I broke up with someone one time in my life and I did not regret it. I had tried everything before that. I was so run down when I finally said it.

I don't think you should give up hope just yet on yourself :)

(The way I see it is that if we do at the spur of the moment break up with someone and regret it to then say it and beg or do what ever it takes as soon as possible, wait too long and it can't be maybe repaired then. Do things quickly.)

Originally Posted by lostsoul13

I’m also thankful your in a better place- I can always resonate with some of what you say in your posts& it’s not always your side I see… life is difficult but we always undermine it by achieving our ambitions to strive to go on!!!

WOW Lost soul13, again what a travel you've made and got out on the other side. That is too a side effect with addictions, everything stays the same, loosing perspective of time, loosing valuable time. I can understand people take it for relief from their pain and some to just get a kick out of it - at first - but then in both scenarios I think people with addictions just want to be feeling normal and be like "everybody else". There are also things, medications that they did not know at the start had an addictive substance to it ,to only discover it too late. I never forget the fear I saw in my exboyfriend's eyes as he was detoxing and did not want me to look on, when I came rushing home anyway (as he was for once in his life not taking my calls). they just want to get back to normal again.I understand I was in minority, as his family, friends - they all thought he was fine.
I think one danger was that he was, just like you describe, young and strong built, working out, if he would fall down he would get right up, laughing. It is as if they think those addicted has to be someone old on a bench and homeless, like isn't that then too late, can't you react sooner? Help me out a bit here? When already everything has been lost. And time has been lost. How many chances are there? Time will do it's bit, nothing anyone can do about it.

About jobs...I think some people don't ever or have it more difficult to get one foot in. I have always experienced that once I got a foot in, it was then easy to go from one job to the next, they would hear of you, they would make sure that when one stop the other took over, and I too could seek myself outside our bubble of work someplace else. the most difficult is if you are outside, to just get in. Then as more time has passed they ask that too, why has so much time passed. Its like they don't get it goes together, both being outside and time passing. I've been one of those who has let people in, give people a chance and seen people work twice as hard as anyone else, and then that too can be seen as a threat by some, so you have to protect them, do your best, with good attitude, while they are at that stage. I guess it is to say once you have your foot in you gotta when you can lend out a hand and help someone else in, the way someone have before you, it can be the best thing you have ever done, to give that person a chance, for that person and for the company. We've all been new at one point or another but it is as if some have forgotten that.

I've been thinking about what is it that make one hold on to a vision of a happy future while one is in an unhappy one? That was what I think I did when I was with the psycho. That I was too weak to get out of the situation myself and I honestly did not know what was happening to me, how I was feeling, this had never happened to me before.

The way it was with the psycho is that at our first round when I did break up with him and had no regret and he was the one to talk me into forgiving him and us moving and and then beign so lovely to me again, all strategic, that once he took off that mask, it was again when I was trapped, vulnerable, did not see it coming.

He was planning his cruelty. It was not that he was out of control, he was in control the whole time, he knew when to take on the mask and take it off. he knew how to play people, situations. it was really like seeing evil.

the second time around I don't really know what happened except to say he succeeided with his cruelty.

I believe that had i not gotten help when I did and this was a close call, had i ever been pushed over the edge while I was wit him - then it would be somehting he would use to tell people i was unstable and he was the good guy who was now taking care of me, that is how it would go down, i am sure of it.

Had we had a kid like he wanted and tried to do without me wanting it I am sure he would have wheeled that kid out just for show all the other important people and maybe give approximately 10 minutes per day of attention, the rest would have been up to me. he was lazy and selfish. him as a dad- no thanks.

I believe that third time around - that he wanted to make happen - that he would do the same to me like he did the second time but only worse.

What he was doing was really sick. The way he would shift to show off his power that he thought he had over me and my life and the people in my life when he had been the one to ask for us to split in the first place. It truly was as if he was trying to frighten me, for me to understand look I can get to you, i can ruin your life if I want, I can work through manipulate the people you hold dearest to you, i can rip you off your support system if you don't do as i say and come back to me.

I saw what he was doing. how well it worked. and I remember thinking is this really happening? why is he doing this to me?

I am just sure that had i believed his words of kindness, that the third time around I would have been weaker than before, that maybe trapped with a kid, theres no luxury, no money in the world that would make me feel safe. i never wanted his money anyhow. it was not the life for me.

Thank you very much for your kindness. I am happy of what some of I write resonates with you :)

[FairyCrystal]

I have not read it all as it's way too long for me, so I hope my reply is on point.

I've had 1 that regretted it. I was involved with him when I was 17, and together for 2-3 yrs.
He broke it off, mainly under pressure of his parents. I was devastated, but in hindsight I was totally dependent after my parents break-up and my mom leaving with her new husband to live abroad.
I felt totally lost and he was the only stable factor for me.
Of course I later realised him breaking up was the best thing that could've happened to me!

He tried to get in touch again via my dad & his wife, get hold of my address etc. They didn't give it, thank goodness!
When I was in relationship much much later, he tried again after he found me on FB. ANd again, and again. Exhausting!!

And my ex husband... I think he never truly got over me either.

My last partner broke up with me, had found someone else. Broke my heart but I recovered, I always do. But after breaking up he realised that he couldn't. He still felt our bond and had even called out my name in bed with his new partner. Sorry, but that still makes me laugh out LOUD!! As it did then in 2017, haha.
Not sure if he secretly wanted to come back, but after a month I closed that door energetically. Permanently. And I do know he can sense that.

As for the reason... I've come to learn through the years that men often don't get over a partner or not well. We women seem much better able to deal with loss and pain, and such emotions & feelings, and bounce back.
I've come across men that even after 16 - 20 yrs of divorce are pining over that woman. Many cannot love again because of that latching on, others start lashing out and bad-mouthing that person and keep all that up for decades!

I know it is what comes with the masculine as they're not taught to deal with that nor are they wired to always deal with feelings and emotions like women are. It's one of the differences between men & women and how we're wired and raised.

And also what they say, 'You don't know what you've got until it's gone!'
Especially when the woman is strong and not needy, not trying to get them back, the male ex suddenly feels triggered. I think that's an ego knee-jerk.
It always feels best if the ex is still pining over you, missing you, wanting you back. Ego boost. Better than when the ex already moved on. That feels like rejection.

Also, often an ex wants his former partner back when she's fully empowered, feeling good, ready to get involved with a new man. Somehow it's as if the ex picks up on that energetically.
So often you hear women asking, why does he contact me now that I'm finally over him? Why does he contact me now I'm in love with a new man??

But in essence... what the other does or doesn't do isn't your business anymore once you've split up. Live your own life :)

Thank you very much for sharing, FairyCrystal:)

I'm surprised they can even think they have any right to you and your life once they have left you and as if you have any obligation to them, it's crazy. I think it speaks too that they can't be that stable and strong those who do that for not enough reason and then regret it.

Well deserved on him then to call out your name like that, my God.

I've too heard this belief that being in love is one thing, and that this then happen to those who cheat, that they are in relationships where they love someone but has passed the in love state (I think that is suppose to last six months or some more and then the body, mind says no as it is too crazy to keep that up like that, it can only take so much) and are having some sort of problems and not good at handling those, and are then not feeling all the emotional needs met as well, and turn to the one they have fallen in love with. Only to discover later they miss their previous partner so much, and have maybe more distance and not so much focus without solving the issues that were there before in the first place. Sooner or later in any serious relationship you're gonna face problems, it is how you deal with them that is the key, naturally. One person can't solve it on it's own, takes two.

I discovered after my in love phase with a psychopath that he was so different from his in love self that I honestly did not like him, how he really was, with other people, which my first love really wasn't, there wasn't much difference to him, I had begun to genuinely love him for all his good qualities later on.


Like you describe with your ex he too had in the past (before we even got together) kept track on me through others social media

Just like you describe - just when I was myself again, enjoying life, feeling strong, not wanting the psycho back - he went completely desperate. At the time I only thought he was not normal and so something like this would never happen to me again, that he did not make sense.

I'm thinking too the last months of the relationship while I was numbed and tense (shifting), he could very well have been or wished he was involved with someone else. It really was as if I was a bother to him, that he had better things to do, better people to see, that he was irritated by my presence alone, as if I had done something to him yet it was him that had asked for me, to have me around. Could very well be he had found someone else he better be with than with me, to then, when that didn't happen for him in the way he had hoped, he then thought I wasn't so bad after all. I think anything could have been possible when it came to him, his damaged mind.

I then thought he had some nerve to think he could try to come back to my life after I had rebuilt myself, no shame even if he communicated such words too. I thought who does this? I only honestly thought that psychopath did, but now after reading your words I understand those who does that can't all be psychopaths.

Its like they don't get they were the one to drain you like some vampire of your blood, your energy and then they take off (as they have projected it ain't their fault any of it...) and then when you're blooming again, energized again - suddenly they are there again? as if they think they can only pick out the best part and not be there for you when you're in pain. I took it almost like an insult, like how stupid do you think I am? You actually think I am going to fall for that? Like where were you before, that's not who I thought you were, that's not who I fell in love with, if I had known that about you I would never have fallen for you? But they're the stupid ones, but they are too stupid to get that. they don't see that you see through it. that you're above it.

Yes I think someone strong need and want and is equally attracted to someone as strong too, and once been treated, bailed on like that you get to realize you're better on your own than anytime with someone like that. :)