Accepting someone for who they are

I feel your pain! I had a few relationships when I felt I wasn't getting enough attention from a guy. I did some thinking...and realized that I needed to change my attitude. What I mean is that as opposed to concentrating on my boyfriend or on my relationship, I started concentrating on myself and my own creativity. I found a few projects, which interested me so much and fulfilled me so much, that I didn't even have time to miss my BF or counting days until he called me. I still cared about the relationship, but I stopped craving as much attention. The funny part was that as soon as I changed it and I started investing my time in developing my own creativity I started attracting more men! I finally broke up with my ex, who wouldn't call me (we also had other problems, of course), but we remained friends, since we have the same circle of friends. With time, when I was consistently happy and busy with what I was doing, he started approaching me again and wanted to date again and would initiate all the conversations. At that point I didn't want to be with him anymore though. So I learned my lesson. If I want my current BF's attention, that means I am just bored and I need to find a new activity. As soon as I am doing something that fulfills me then he remembers about me as if feeling it on the gut level.

I think this is a common issue that has to do with perception, not feelings. Men tend to be less expressive of their love than women, but are just as sensitive, if not more sensitive and caring.

Wish that was the case, but he broke up with me and came right out and said that he wasn't in love with me.

And thank you wushen for your advice too.

It is just that a whole week went by and he didn't even text a 'hello' to me. That was just red flags right there and I had to ask myself: is this the guy I want to be with the rest of my life or father of my kids who doesn't take 10 seconds to just say a hello after 6 days?! Something is not right. And again, he realized and admitted that the reason for his behavior was because he didn't care for me as much as I cared for him and he wasn't in love with me.

I would rather be with someone who does love me at least regardless of lack of attention. It just hurts that I apparently cared for him more than he did for me which he said he felt bad about and hence had to do the break up V_V It hurts that he didn't even want to try at the relationship or make it work. I asked him if we can work at it or if he could give it another shot and he said no. He wasn't in love. So the best advice I can give myself and would love to share with all here:



Thank you guys though.

[TheGreenFairie]

Defo try the sit down and talk.

One of my friends told me once that if there is something you don't like about your partner. (In my case it was that they would disappear for days on end, then return like everything was fine).
That you should either get used to it or move on. And sure enough this happened again, I came home from uni for the weekend, we were supposed to meet up and I just got stood up.
So, I thought you know what she's right. I couldn't put up with it and I moved on.
In your case, my ex was like that. I really liked him, and genuinely thought he was the one. He never really text me that much either. I would say to myself, right he can text me and that would go on for days..
Did you guys do normal stuff together like, chill with each others friends, go out etc?

In relationships there is a power struggle that is usually dominated by the one that is most detached leading to a neediness expressed by the other. Ultimately the best relationship you can ever have is with yourself. You have to be clear about your boundaries and what you expect from the other. Expressing your needs does not need to be seen as a criticism, but often voicing an unmet need is interpreted that way. If he would acknowledge your need and respect you for it, it would go a long way toward healing this pattern. It is OK to be the way you are but there are consequences for not acknowledging the needs of your partner. I wish you all the lvoe and growth in the world.