Hell Loops ?

[Starman]

In my 77-years of living I have been through hell many times, and sometimes it was so unbearable that I wanted to take my own life, but that was not meant to be. The pain started very young for me, and I do not like pain, so I strived to find peace and comfort within myself, still often blaming others for my anguish and misfortune.

It was not until I was in my forties that I realized I was making myself a target for pain and blaming others, playing the victim did not help. I had to take responsibility for my feelings, or said another way, develop the ability to respond to myself on many levels. It took a lot of work, and I realized that the work, or lack of work, that we do on ourselves is what we give to others.

I love the sweetness of love which I feel inside of me, but a good portion of my human life I did not feel that sweetness. It is there within all of us, regardless what we have done or been through. I discovered fulfillment inside of myself that had nothing to do with money, material goods, or even being in a loving relationship. In my opinion, at our core we are love. It took some time and a lot of bruises for me to come to that realization.