My magnet

[AStites]

I've had this theory for a while about my relationship with a man I've known for 22 years, been sleeping with for almost 18, and technically broke up with 5 years ago.

I recently started sleeping with him again over the last 2 months. This was after swearing off ever being with him again.

Without getting into long detail, I could best describe us as magnets after I cut it off years ago. I looked it up and realized just how well the description captured us. Basically when 2 opposites are near each other they attract. I could always feel him in my vicinity, could sense him before he was in the room. Even if we/I needed to stay away from one another it always felt impossible the closer physically we were. Now to break a magnetic bond you can do many things, but the further they are from one another, the less attracted they become. We never overheated to the point of breaking us completely, we never collided enough, like poles to be attracted to didn't do it, so when we were done and he moved away I thought that would finally do it. Distance, distance would.

Well it didn't. Doesn't matter how my resolve is or how angry I am, the minute I see him it all falls away.

Now after years of false promise of breaking that bond, I fear I have reestablished it or it just never went away.

Can anyone relate to these magnet relationships? Could you share your story? Almost half my life I've known this man and I don't know that I'm better for it. I'm still very much alone, so what drives that bond?