Cat lover broken hearted

Hi,
I am a proud cat lover. I always connected with them even from a very young age. I have had the absolute honour to have bonded with 3 cats so totally during my lifetime that I believe they are spiritually very similar to humans. 'Tom' was my first love when I was young - he came into our lives as a stray kitten and was around when I had a nervous breakdown at age 11. 'Obi' was my second love, he was with me - right at my side when I was diagnosed with bipolar and tried to suicide. Literally he slept on my bed for 4 moths. The 'Lenni' my huge ginger baby came to me as a 2 day old rescue kitten who was my salvation many times over - we went through so very much together. Now Lenni has gone - he simply went for a walk a month ago and has not returned (we live in the country so the cats are locked up at night).

My heart is aching for Lenni - is he alive, is he hurt or has he died? He is visiting me in my dreams along with Obi very regularly.

I know it may sound silly, but my husband and I have been trying for 3 years for a baby (2 lots of IVF and 5 miscarriages) and I think Lenni may have decided its time for a baby to come?? I can't fathom that he would leave me otherwise? Leni believed himself to be human as he was raised as one, sleeping on my pillow/hair every night. I try really hard to feel if he is still around, but I just feel empty.

I think as he is with me in dreams, he may be gone for good. We have booked in to have an embryo transfer in a few weeks and I feel he is part of it.

Does this resonate with anyone?

Kitty kisses, Jilly