panics since strange incident

[CrystalSong]

Originally Posted by annabelle239

I am going to learn self defense and on top of that look into therapy and other forms of healing as well.

Look at you Go Girl!!
You are Reclaiming your Life!!!

((((((HUG!))))))

[annabelle239]

Originally Posted by CrystalSong

I'm dainty and girly too, 100's of times in my life I've been asked if I was a professional dancer or ballerina.

The interesting thing about particularly Women's Self Defense course is that you don't need strength, you need quickness and leverage and a little understanding of the human body. Stepping to the right, grabbing a mans punching arm and bending over and he's suddenly flying through the air with no more strength needed that it takes to open a jar of jam is a phenomenal discovery!

You will learn that your elbows are an incredibly strong and sharp object you have on you at all times which can cause an attacker to loose all interest in you as they lay gasping for breath.

It's very empowering to learn how to use your own body and to date I've traveled 41 countries, 1/2 of them third world countries and 1/2 of them as a solo traveler. Martial Arts made such a huge difference in my sense of safety and being able to take care of my self.
I actually trust myself as a Protector more than most men I meet no matter how burly and muscle bound they are, because weight and muscles can be used against a person if the attacker knows how to turn those things into a liability.

I think you are going to love Martial Arts! Look up various Martial Arts studios in your area and tour them, they'll let you sit in and watch a class. Look for the one's which the Instructor is very clear and understandable with directions, is respected but not too forceful with his students and makes everyone preforms to the best of their abilities by his or her charisma and belief in THEM. Also look for a styles there are many, which seems most intuitive to you.
I was good with high kicks so Ti_Quando was a good fit for me. But if you are fast and tiny you might like Kung-Fu or Jujitsu forms.
Karate Weapons is a great add-on later if you want to travel alone in dangerous counties as you'll learn how to turn anything into a weapons when confronted by multiple attackers at once. Explore! :)

I asked a close friend what he thinks my strengths are with self defense and he said i'm fluid. I am excited to learn self defense. I think this will really help me. i've also deciding to start being more present and grounded in my body when i'm out as i feel that'll help. I am feeling calm now in the daylight hours and have had more clarity as i feel the paranoias now slipping away and it feels great. It is a nice energy release just to have that but i do get panicky at nights still though it's seeming to lessen. I've found distracting myself helps with this. Cleaning or online shopping/online window browsing seems to be great for that. I am going to start the next baby step today of going for very short walks in my neighborhood. I think jiu jitsu sounds interesting! I was getting info about that. I've also been looking into security measures for my home and the other day when i heard a neighbor walk by i actually felt calm and got a feeling that he is safe,he is fine,he's just a normal guy which felt wonderful because before for the past almost two months,even a neighbor walking by made me nervous. It feels so great to be getting some clarity back again.

[annabelle239]

Originally Posted by life.love.regret.

That's great to hear. You aren't as much a prisoner as I first thought. Get angry at whatever it is making you anxious (unless its a person that didn't know they were making you anxious of course). It didn't do anything to deserve that power over you.

I've actually found letting myself feel anger when i get anxious as a great way to feel better. I know anger is higher up on the Abraham Hicks emotional guidance scale then feeling powerless so have been using that a little bit. At this point,i'd rather feel anger then powerless.

[annabelle239]

I also randomly stumbled upon an article from a blog i follow that really resonated with me about panic attacks and limiting beliefs and right away i was able to reflect and find the limiting belief i believe that's caused my fears to get to this point. I firmly believe i am on the path to really overcoming this. I keep getting intuitive feelings come to me saying "you are going to overcome this." The article was very helpful because it reminded me that i was having fear thoughts before the incident in spring that really needed to be worked through. I also have a feeling releasing this blocked energy from these anxieties will make other areas of my life better too as this fear has really been taking up a lot of my energy.

[CrystalSong]

This is just so good to hear! :)
It's wonderful to see you taking the bull by the Horns and really facing this and not running from it. I feel within 6 months you will be in a new understanding and new internal strength with yourself :)

Originally Posted by CrystalSong

This is just so good to hear! :)
It's wonderful to see you taking the bull by the Horns and really facing this and not running from it. I feel within 6 months you will be in a new understanding and new internal strength with yourself :)

I agree with this. You are going to feel like a new person and your friends and family will see it.

Anger - if it's directed properly - can be a great motivator.

[annabelle239]

Am a bit emotional as i write this and angry. Today I was doing some research for an upcoming trip and a dream of mine and was having difficulties. It seemed this trip may not work out this time around and it's timing of when i was supposed to go may be too soon. I like to be somewhat realistic. I do believe by then i'll be more normal and have overcome a lot,but don't think i could be ready to do all the trip will entail. It was just seeming too difficult and giving me stress and anxiety. All this led me to a breakthrough though which is good and the breakthrough is that these last months i've completely let my life go away from me while dealing with this and another internal issue but that one being more petty(letting go of a guy) and realizing i've let these things consume me to the point where i'm letting my dreams go on the backburner while all the people i admire are out there living their dreams and having fun and i'm so envious. Today,i even said to the cat in a casual way,"well today sucked" and reminded myself of my mother with my tone and negativity. That's exactly something she's said and in that tone and this isn't the first time i've said that recently. I am just so emotional that i've become so afraid of living to the point of becoming this! I've even scared myself worrying about how crazy am i becoming. The anger is giving me momentum to say i'm done with these fears and I do believe this is coming up because i've started moving past the fears a little bit and this is what's been waiting for me but even still seeing what i've lost..a friend,having to give up on my trip,and just feeling so backtracked on my goals makes me so sad. I hardly even recognize myself. I am letting my dreams slide away.

I do feel calmer still in daytime at home and even started feeling calmer at night now. I feel calmer about the neighbors and feel like a cloud has left me with that stuff and things feel more "clear" but reflecting on all that has been backtracked has made me sad. I do feel all is "perfect" and i'm meant to go through this right now to bring me to a new place even before all this mess started but geez,i wish the universe could also just let me have more fun and a little less learning and growing. I did ask for it,though. It's just amazing to me. Last year was a year of grief for me,and thought this year would be breezy. This year has been a heck of a lot of learning and growth,it's been intense.

[annabelle239]

Some good did happen today,though. I think perhaps i was pushing myself for too much too soon,but that in doing so helped me get more momentum and clarity.

Originally Posted by annabelle239

Am a bit emotional as i write this and angry. Today I was doing some research for an upcoming trip and a dream of mine and was having difficulties. It seemed this trip may not work out this time around and it's timing of when i was supposed to go may be too soon. I like to be somewhat realistic. I do believe by then i'll be more normal and have overcome a lot,but don't think i could be ready to do all the trip will entail. It was just seeming too difficult and giving me stress and anxiety. All this led me to a breakthrough though which is good and the breakthrough is that these last months i've completely let my life go away from me while dealing with this and another internal issue but that one being more petty(letting go of a guy) and realizing i've let these things consume me to the point where i'm letting my dreams go on the backburner while all the people i admire are out there living their dreams and having fun and i'm so envious. Today,i even said to the cat in a casual way,"well today sucked" and reminded myself of my mother with my tone and negativity. That's exactly something she's said and in that tone and this isn't the first time i've said that recently. I am just so emotional that i've become so afraid of living to the point of becoming this! I've even scared myself worrying about how crazy am i becoming. The anger is giving me momentum to say i'm done with these fears and I do believe this is coming up because i've started moving past the fears a little bit and this is what's been waiting for me but even still seeing what i've lost..a friend,having to give up on my trip,and just feeling so backtracked on my goals makes me so sad. I hardly even recognize myself. I am letting my dreams slide away.

I do feel calmer still in daytime at home and even started feeling calmer at night now. I feel calmer about the neighbors and feel like a cloud has left me with that stuff and things feel more "clear" but reflecting on all that has been backtracked has made me sad. I do feel all is "perfect" and i'm meant to go through this right now to bring me to a new place even before all this mess started but geez,i wish the universe could also just let me have more fun and a little less learning and growing. I did ask for it,though. It's just amazing to me. Last year was a year of grief for me,and thought this year would be breezy. This year has been a heck of a lot of learning and growth,it's been intense.

That's exactly the kind of anger that I was talking about. You're looking at all that you let be taken from you and getting angry at the fear and anxiety for being a thief. You don't have to let ONE MORE THING be stolen from you if you don't want. Whatever pace you are working at is probably the perfect pace for you. I think you're doing great and I can see a difference already just by comparing your OP to these last ones. You seem much stronger.

[CrystalSong]

Originally Posted by annabelle239

i wish the universe could also just let me have more fun and a little less learning and growing. I did ask for it,though. It's just amazing to me. Last year was a year of grief for me,and thought this year would be breezy. This year has been a heck of a lot of learning and growth,it's been intense.

Here's another way to think about it which might be more helpful.
"The Universe supports me in all I do, whether I choose to embrace life or withdraw from life. I chose to embrace life fearlessly! I'm going on this trip and will surmount all my fears to do so, because there's no time like the present moment to being my new life of courage"