Battling the unknown

Spiritual development is something I am keen to explore, and a new path I have undertaken (with the help of this forum), so that hopefully I may find a better understanding of my more 'sensitive' side, but just as importantly find knowledge in other peoples experiences and spiritual endeavors. I have to say, I am fascinated, and keen.

A little background to who I am: I have been sensitive since I was little, in countless ways such as visions, premonitions, dream phenomenons, encountering spirits in the form of "ghosts" (and often simply as presences), orbs etc. I believe I have a spirit guide, and have had many varied experiences involving the senses which I simply struggle to explain. Although this may make my life seems eventful to others out there, in this community I am sure I would disappoint. My events are random, and can occur years apart at times. You see, although I sometimes recognise my sensitivities in their weird and often wonderful forms, I have not chosen to develop these sensitivities. I am sad to say, my only understandings in terms of signs and visions, for example, are found from hindsight. Sometimes not at all. And although ignorance has been a form of protection in my mind, this poor understanding of myself just doesn't seem to sit so well any more, especially as of yesterday.

To explain my current dilemma, I need to provide some background.

A few years ago, I received a very exciting phone call from a close friend. She was pregnant, carrying twins, and bursting in excitement with the news. I, of course, was very excited to hear this news, but found myself distracted by a brief and unexpected vision. This was a first for me. I visualised two spirits side by side. I knew them to be the energies of the twins. I did not see them as physical forms, just sensed a presence to the left and right (so hard to describe). When I did so, the life energy on the left did not draw my attention, I simply noted its presence. It was the energy on the right that next caught my attention. I visualised a very sharp, bright white light with this presence, and although I had some curiosity of the meaning behind my vision, I immediately did what I always do. I filed the incident under "wow, ok, have no idea what that was" file, and stored it to the back of my mind.

Two weeks later, sadly, one of the twins passed in the womb, and I cannot help but question the significance of my vision at the time I learned of the twins.

Fast forward a few years, and I am thrilled to say I am to be a grandmother for the first time (the baby is due in three and a half months). My daughter and I are very much connected. My daughter is sensitive but recalls few events in her life, however, we share a very special bond in this sense.
Recently my daughter commented that she felt her baby, a little boy, is 'very intuitive".

Daily chats on the phone are typical for me and my daughter, as I am always keen to hear of her and my grandbaby's developments. Yesterday, however, was a big day. My daughter informed me of something I had suspected for a while, the baby is not growing as he should in terms of weight (he is as low as the 5th percentile). Furthermore, the father carries heart anomalies in his genes, and ultrasound has picked up a possible heart anomaly in the baby- warranting further investigation.

As my daughter spoke of this news, I experienced a vision. I felt/ saw my grandson curled comfortably in the womb as would be expected, with a very thick, warm yellow light lined around his body. Thinking little of this at the time, I read this vision simply as a subconscious effort to comfort and protect my little one. I managed to re-visualise this yellow light around my grandson all day each time I thought of him, and so felt comforted he will be ok.

As I retired to bed, something changed. I thought of my grandson deliberately one more time before sleep to confirm the yellow light was still there, and was pleased to find it was -until the light changed unexpectedly to black. The sight of the black actually shocked me, and refusing to acknowledge its existence, I simply concentrated and deliberately re-visualised the yellow in its place. This was my first conscious effort in terms of influencing my visions. I did manage this, but the effect only lasted briefly. The yellow turned black, and as it did so I suddenly felt drained and weak as I again attempted to influence change. I literally felt I was somehow engaged in a tug-of-war with the unknown. Only each effort left me feeling weaker, and the vision more brief and difficult to find.

Needless to say, I have woken today very distressed over this ordeal, and with little understanding as to my experience. I try to consciously picture the yellow light, but the heightened sensitivities I felt last night have passed, and the visions also appear to have passed.

I do understand that auras of certain colours can indicate state of health and wellbeing, but something inside me says this is either a different experience, or is related but has further meaning and significance. Again, there is an intense feeling here where words and understanding escape me. Maybe it is all just co-incidence?

If anyone would like to provide some insight, I would love to hear from you.

A big thanks in advance :)

Ok, I'm curious, is the post just too long, or have I failed to capture anyone's attention? All is so quiet, and this is my first post. I really hope there is someone who can shed some light???? anyone?? Thanks :)

[Michelle11]

It is a big site and sometimes people just miss certain posts. It does sound like you have some intuitive knowings. The thing is there isn't always anything you can do about them except to prepare yourself. As much as you want your grandchild to be born healthy and happy that isn't in your control. That is an agreement the soul of the baby has made. It is very possible this child had planned all along to experience a life with a heart defect as well your daughter and father of the baby may have preplanned lessons involving the child's health as well. There is a pretty good book, Your Soul's Plan that explains this pretty well. Human experiences are not always pleasant but they serve a purpose to help us grow. It is also possible the child won't be born and if that is the case it is also due to the soul either changing it's mind due to the health of the fetus. If the fetus is not viable to sustain life there isn't much that can be done. It happens sometimes and no matter how much we wish it to be otherwise we do sometimes just have to let mother nature take its course. Again if the child is lost this is a lesson for the parents of the child. You knowing in advance may be a clue for you to prepare yourself to be there for your daughter.

It is tough when you have a knowing about something and wonder what to do with it but I always find my best bet is to just go with the flow. I just let life guide my moves and whether or not something should be said. There are times I find myself saying something much to my surprise and yet it always winds up being the right thing to say. So I would say formulate what you want to say to your daughter about what you saw in your visions and then when you talk to her again just get in touch with your feeling whether or not to actually say it. Maybe question her own instincts about the situation first to see where she is at and then use your instincts whether or not if feels right to say something.

But please do remember no matter what happens with this child their soul is eternal and can never be lost. I had a knowing the instant my sister in law lost her first child. I also had a knowing that the next child that was born was that same child she lost the first time around. So if this fetus winds up not being able to survive just know it doesn't mean the soul that was going to be born to the body won't come back as a different baby. Everything will work out as it should.

As for you don't sell yourself short and don't put yourself down. I have similar abilities to you, nothing earth shattering and often fleeting but when the time is right we will advance in our abilities. Just do your best to trust your abilities and trust life will guide you. It is very nice to meet you. Welcome to the site and best of luck with the baby. I hope it works out OK and the baby is born healthy.