What kind of a narcissist is she and how to keep the power

[Guff779]

So between 2015-2012 my sister didn't wish to talk to me and spoke back with one word.

Even after that for years she spoke to me angrily and reacted to me angrily.

She put me down a lot over the years.

She bossed me and my father on Saturdays.

She does twist things.

She said "why do I want to know what music is playing" on the TV. When she had knowledge of it.

She acted emotionally a few times.

She tells info about me easily when others secretly ask.

She got angry about something the other time.

She said she can't get a proper wedding. Why splash out 50k on a wedding and a party which is up to her, she didn't need a party.

I did feel she lacked integrity.

She made me cry a few times.

She's got everything mind you.

Why doesn't she says people asked about this and that about me?

I reported a relative to the police twice, who could get a warning.

She didn't care before.

She didn't say nothing to that relative, thus not standing up to me.

She can't even say that relative would get a warning to that person or others.

Doesn't she say nothing?

She said

"If you have an issue, you talk to him"

"It's all in my head"

"Let's get all the family involved"

She seems controlling

She got angry before

She didn't care, wasn't going to say anything. Lacked empathy, compassion. No support. Left me to my own devices. Gifted the relative the power.

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She disrespected me saying I wish to work for myself, I've been saying that for years.

Then she says publically anything, could keep things quiet

They may try to have a discussion with various things in my life, however it's up to me isn't it? It's a private matter and none of my business

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When my father jokingly criticised my sister to the uncle, she kicked the door hard after he left.

What do you say with regards to her conduct, attitude and what kind of a narcissist is she. I think she is selfish

[DaneA]

There are ways to deal with narcissism if that's what it is. (I'm a little suspicious at the overuse of the word. Some people are just extrovert or unjustifiably bossy).
There are ways to deal with it.

One is to ignore the anger or delivery of a narcissistic 'attack'. If one replies at all, do so with calm and politeness.

Do not justify yourself if that's demanded. If insulted, ignore it.

Be boring (which is the same as contributing nothing in an exchange). The offender will soon lose interest.

Do not obey any orders. If necessary just say 'no' or 'I'll do that when I'm ready', otherwise ignore

Leave the room if necessary.

In short, don't allow them to control you or your situation. It may need patience and calm at first but once a narcissist knows they can't control a person they start directing their energies at someone else.

[Guff779]

Originally Posted by DaneA

There are ways to deal with narcissism if that's what it is.
(I'm a little suspicious at the overuse of the ...

Thank you for these insights.

[Miss Hepburn]

Please, rem only 2-3 sentences when quoting others.

[Irisa]

Hi Gulff,

my first reaction after reading your post: it feels like you are having a hard time in dealing with your sister.

I don´t like labelling. I might do that sometimes as well, but nowadays it seems to be just easy to label someone, although everyone is his or her own person (is ego/mind).

I recognize your situation a little bit. For decades i had ´problems´ with my brother. He didn´t seem to like me at all. I was always ´too loud´ for him...my voice while talking, closing the door too hard and such. Untill last year he somehow ´broke´ or ´broke down´.


´She seems controlling.´, She seems, you say...this is your opinion.

`When my father jokingly criticised my sister to the uncle, she kicked the door hard after he left.`, ´Why...maybe she felt hurt?...Are there maybe things in her life that she had to endure, that you didn´t know of? Besides that, everyone has his or her own character...My brother and me seemed to be like day and night...untill now, where we´re suddenly coming together...slowly understanding and recognizing one another. Because we, each for ourselves, are learning who we really are deep inside.

What do you say with regards to her conduct, attitude and what kind of a narcissist is she. ´I think she is selfish´, These are your thoughts, your words: you think she is a narcissist.

What i always try when i have a problem with another person is trying to find out what my reaction towards their attitudes are. Find out what it does with me. Because ´she doesn´t do things to you, but you are the one letting her do things to you.´

Where there is black, there is also white...otherwise you wouldn´t recognize it as black.
When you have the feeling she is controlling...what is it in yourself that gives you that feeling...you probably feel controlled by her. And this is not something she ´does´ to you. You let it happen. You might even go as far as trying to find out how to control yourself.

What is she reflecting back to you?

I often thought that, by someone´s attitude, i knew what was going on inside them, until recently. It is better to let go of ´the thinking about why the other reacts in a certain way.´ Better to look at yourself. What is happening inside of you at those moments...

What if people in your life are in your life to help you? To help you to understand yourself? To help you develop yourself?

Of course, people can be very hard to deal with...and might have traits of a so called narcissist. But every person, narcissists, criminals, killers...all do have a soul.

You might want to try to let go of the thinking about her...give yourself some rest/peace...and find out how her attitude towards you might change as well..

[Native spirit]

I think you have to be careful when giving anybody a label because as the saying goes Mud sticks,
she sounds to be controlling more than a Narcissists.


Namaste