My Parents

Sarian · #1 20-04-2012, 03:30 PM

I don't know where to put this.

I mentioned that my mom is dying of cancer. She only weights about 75 pounds on a good day. She is getting weaker, but still tries to do what she can. Tried to go to a store yesterday but got sick before she even got out of the car, so she drove home. I'm surprised she even drives still, but she gets bored and wants to get out of the house. She always loved walking around the drugstore and seeing what they had, as well as yard sales.

Anyway, so i worry about her.

My dad had a stroke a couple years ago and prior to that had TIA's that caused him problems. the stroke he had while I was with him was the worst and very frightening. I was glad I was with him and calmed and reassured him, but it left him with damage. He can't walk like he used to and he now shuffles. It upsets him greatly.

My dad likes to still feel useful, so he likes or feels the need to take my car to get oil changes and things like that. He used to do it himself, but realizes he can no longer do such things. He drives a big Ford F150. I don't know how he manages it ...getting in and out of it is a task, let alone driving. He really shouldn't be driving.

He was supposed to take my car yesterday to get the oil change. I didn't want him to, but he got all upset, so I sigh and hope for the best... He never showed up. I called, even though grateful he didn't take it, but worried that he didn't figuring he wasn't feeling well. He had been sleeping, unusual for him in the morning. He said Weds he was so weak that he couldn't even hold a glass of water. I said dad you need to see a doctor. He got mad at me. Yesterday he was so tired and sat on his bed, fell over into a deep sleep.

Mom said he blew up at her this morning when she wanted to call an ambulance. He came to my office and I tried to talk to him about my concerns, but he blew up at me as well, then smiled and said he was okay. He's not okay...but he's off doing what he always did, taking care of his daughter's car (even though I can, but it makes him feel important and it's his way of loving me)

I am just so sad. I love my parents. My mom and I have had a rocky relationship, but she's still my mom and I look at her and sometimes I just have to turn away because the tears fall from my eyes, just like they are now, and I think "don't go mom, you can't go, we have to go to garage sales, just like we always do. I don't want you to leave me.

And my dad...my dad wasn't around much when i was growing up, but I knew he loved me. He is a quiet man, but you always knew he loved you by the gentleness in his eyes. The way they twinkled. he'd come home twice a month and would bring me Indian dolls from his travels and one year brought me my first transistor radio. I loved that thing. the last 5 years he began talking with me more and more and one year gave me the most beautiful card I ever received telling me how much he loved me and how proud of me he was. I cried and cried and cried over that card. It means the world to me. But he started sharing his stories with me, secrets even, and I was grateful and some caused me to weep.

So anyway, he came into my office and I felt like I wouldn't have my dad with me for much longer and honestly, I don't know how to handle the loss of him or my mom.

I feel like my life was stolen out from under me since I was a child. I was never able to be a child, and right now I feel like I'm starting my life over and new and I am excited about it, but I don't want my parents to go.

I am selfish, I know. But I want my parents to see what becomes of me, I want to do for my parents all the things I never could before, and finally now have a chance and now they are leaving me soon.

I'm sobbing my eyes out right now. Excuse me, I'm just getting out my pain.

I love you, mom and dad. I wish you could stay longer with me. Please stay longer.

Silver · #2 20-04-2012, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarian

......

I love my parents. My mom and I have had a rocky relationship, but she's still my mom and I look at her and sometimes I just have to turn away because the tears fall from my eyes, just like they are now, and I think "don't go mom, you can't go, we have to go to garage sales, just like we always do. I don't want you to leave me.

And my dad...my dad wasn't around much when i was growing up, but I knew he loved me. He is a quiet man, but you always knew he loved you by the gentleness in his eyes. The way they twinkled. he'd come home twice a month and would bring me Indian dolls from his travels and one year brought me my first transistor radio. I loved that thing. the last 5 years he began talking with me more and more and one year gave me the most beautiful card I ever received telling me how much he loved me and how proud of me he was. I cried and cried and cried over that card. It means the world to me. But he started sharing his stories with me, secrets even, and I was grateful and some caused me to weep.

........

What an emotionally harrowing time for you, Sarian.

I can't imagine...my parents - my dad was 18 years older, so long time in between their passing. My dad in 1975 and my mom in 1983. Should've been a lot longer for her - she was only 64 - massive stroke - gone in 3 days.

Just know I'm thinking of you and your daughter and saying little prayers and sending my best your way.

Sarian · #3 20-04-2012, 04:30 PM

Thanks, S.G. I know you have lost your parents and it's so grievous. I feel stupid being so emotional when so many others have lost both their parents, but it's a hard thing to go through. I'm being selfish, I know this. I'm not a little girl anymore, so I shouldn't be so emotional, but I am.

Then a friend called and quite upset over some financial matters and I'm trying to console them, but didn't seem to do any good, ended up barking at me, so I just said I'm sorry.

#4 20-04-2012, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarian

I don't know where to put this.

I mentioned that my mom is dying of cancer. She only weights about 75 pounds on a good day. She is getting weaker, but still tries to do what she can. Tried to go to a store yesterday but got sick before she even got out of the car, so she drove home. I'm surprised she even drives still, but she gets bored and wants to get out of the house. She always loved walking around the drugstore and seeing what they had, as well as yard sales.

Anyway, so i worry about her.

My dad had a stroke a couple years ago and prior to that had TIA's that caused him problems. the stroke he had while I was with him was the worst and very frightening. I was glad I was with him and calmed and reassured him, but it left him with damage. He can't walk like he used to and he now shuffles. It upsets him greatly.

My dad likes to still feel useful, so he likes or feels the need to take my car to get oil changes and things like that. He used to do it himself, but realizes he can no longer do such things. He drives a big Ford F150. I don't know how he manages it ...getting in and out of it is a task, let alone driving. He really shouldn't be driving.

He was supposed to take my car yesterday to get the oil change. I didn't want him to, but he got all upset, so I sigh and hope for the best... He never showed up. I called, even though grateful he didn't take it, but worried that he didn't figuring he wasn't feeling well. He had been sleeping, unusual for him in the morning. He said Weds he was so weak that he couldn't even hold a glass of water. I said dad you need to see a doctor. He got mad at me. Yesterday he was so tired and sat on his bed, fell over into a deep sleep.

Mom said he blew up at her this morning when she wanted to call an ambulance. He came to my office and I tried to talk to him about my concerns, but he blew up at me as well, then smiled and said he was okay. He's not okay...but he's off doing what he always did, taking care of his daughter's car (even though I can, but it makes him feel important and it's his way of loving me)

I am just so sad. I love my parents. My mom and I have had a rocky relationship, but she's still my mom and I look at her and sometimes I just have to turn away because the tears fall from my eyes, just like they are now, and I think "don't go mom, you can't go, we have to go to garage sales, just like we always do. I don't want you to leave me.

And my dad...my dad wasn't around much when i was growing up, but I knew he loved me. He is a quiet man, but you always knew he loved you by the gentleness in his eyes. The way they twinkled. he'd come home twice a month and would bring me Indian dolls from his travels and one year brought me my first transistor radio. I loved that thing. the last 5 years he began talking with me more and more and one year gave me the most beautiful card I ever received telling me how much he loved me and how proud of me he was. I cried and cried and cried over that card. It means the world to me. But he started sharing his stories with me, secrets even, and I was grateful and some caused me to weep.

So anyway, he came into my office and I felt like I wouldn't have my dad with me for much longer and honestly, I don't know how to handle the loss of him or my mom.

I feel like my life was stolen out from under me since I was a child. I was never able to be a child, and right now I feel like I'm starting my life over and new and I am excited about it, but I don't want my parents to go.

I am selfish, I know. But I want my parents to see what becomes of me, I want to do for my parents all the things I never could before, and finally now have a chance and now they are leaving me soon.

I'm sobbing my eyes out right now. Excuse me, I'm just getting out my pain.

I love you, mom and dad. I wish you could stay longer with me. Please stay longer.

Don't apologize for feeling grief. Thanks for trusting us enough here to unload all that is going on inside and outside of you. You're dealing with some mighty Huge things.

Sending you loads of love and support, Sarian-

Silver · #5 20-04-2012, 04:46 PM

That's right, CatChild. One of the best things I've done for myself is posting my thoughts, poems, feelings good and bad when my son passed. I think I'd be far more of a basket case now, if I had kept it all inside.

Tiss · #6 20-04-2012, 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarian

I don't know where to put this.

I feel like my life was stolen out from under me since I was a child. I was never able to be a child, and right now I feel like I'm starting my life over and new and I am excited about it, but I don't want my parents to go.

I am selfish, I know. But I want my parents to see what becomes of me, I want to do for my parents all the things I never could before, and finally now have a chance and now they are leaving me soon.

I'm sobbing my eyes out right now. Excuse me, I'm just getting out my pain.

I love you, mom and dad. I wish you could stay longer with me. Please stay longer.

Dear Sarian,

Please receive my greetings of love and light.

I will speak to you from my heart, and I will share with you my thoughts.

I understand what are you going through. My parents already passed a long time ago. My beloved husband, the one and only, the light in my life got cancer and then passed one year and a half ago. He was ALL for me, my lover, my friend, my teacher in life... I had no spiritual support until I found SF. I found here much help to understand the process. I had no need of asking myself spiritual things before that.

You are facing one of the biggest proofs in your life, and this is the moment when you need to take hand of all your spiritual resources to become strong and therefore, to help your loved ones in their evolution. You need now to put in practice all we talk here about. Every one of us is going in the same direction as your parents, as my beloved.. some of us go first, and others go later on.

When body gets older, the same person begins to depart, I mean to say, begins to have feelings that their time in this life is almost over, and therefore they begin to depart. Departing is a process, and it not happens in just a moment. That you keep positive is important during this process in order to free them of any worry about you.

You have us, your friends at SF to give you contention, so you did well posting here.

In front of them try to keep positive, loving, and to avoid they see you depressed, or disappointed because of the situation. Things will happen despite of your worries when they are to happen. Give them quality of your time. smile, embrace them, share good moments. Use your time to enhance even more your loving bond, which will never break, and also to indirectly show- and better without words- them that you will do well under any circumstance.

Days after my beloved passed, I found a video, I had actually forgotten it. I was recording it and he was in front of the cam, and he told me all what he loved me, and his last words almost at the end of the recording [like a wish or a hidden message were]: "your smile must never disappear." I mention it because it is what all who are departing want from the beings they love and they leave behind. It is not easy but I try to go ahead, the physical part is very missed... and my smile actually goes back and forth, as I still cry for him every day, but also I am able to laugh.

Well, as we are not talking about me but about you, I would add dear Sarian that you are still able to give them good moments, based on your acceptance of the process. It does not mean that you won't do all the necessary in practical terms for them to stay as much as possible but, with you inner acceptance you will think more of them than of you. And if you put in their shoes you will know what to do in any moment.

From my side I will pray for you to re signify what you are living, for them, and for a smooth and peaceful evolution.

Blessings,

TISS

Sarian · #7 20-04-2012, 05:02 PM

Thanks, Catchild and Silvergirl.

I guess I'm feeling more subdued now. I sometimes go numb after my emotions get the better of me.

I don't know how you did it, Silvergirl, after sean's passing. You have a great deal of strength.

A friend of mine actually hung up on me when i started to talk about my dad and fears. I guess the financial issue was more troubling and of concern. Well, yeah, I have a large school loan to pay off as well, and a new lawyer bill on top of it...I could have cried too and while miffed at the lawyer bill, I thought what good does b*tching about it continually do. I'll just work and pay it off. I've gone without most of my life, so what is another couple years? (well more than that hahaha...ugh...)

Thanks again for your kindness CC and SG.

#8 20-04-2012, 05:12 PM

Yes, Sarian thank you for sharing. My mother passed from a massive stroke in 2002 and my father just passed last August. All I can offer is to spend as much time as possible with them while they are still with you (in body). Also, if you feel they need help spiritually maybe help them with that as well.... This can be a delicate task however, sometimes the best thing is to simply offer prayers.... Of course the best thing is to simply show them your love.

Guess what, I'm starting to cry as I write this....

Anyway, I'm thinking of you and offering love and light to you and your beautiful parents....

Namaste,

Bodhi

Arcturus · #9 20-04-2012, 05:16 PM

it's difficult watching parents grow old. mine have a few years left yet i feel but both are on medication following a heart attack and stroke and the meds have changed them a bit. sorry i'm not very good at offering support n stuff, jus wanted to put my name down as sending thoughts, peace~

Sarian · #10 20-04-2012, 05:17 PM

((((((((((((Tiss))))))))))))))) thank you so much...I remember reading about your husband's passing. You have my heartfelt sympathy for all the losses.

It's funny because when I started to go to nursing college, it was my intent to be a hospice nurse. I'm not afraid of death. I understand it...and I've helped many make that transistion or eased their fears. My sorrow is simply selfish. In that I just love my parents and don't want them to leave me.

Feels like everytime I think things are moving forward, setbacks occur or something happens to steal the joy.

My dad just came back in with my car. He says he is feeling better, but he didn't look too good and he wishes that I would get rid of my car as the garage told him I was driving a 'deathtrap' and they say i need over $800 in repairs. I don't know what to think about that. They've been telling him for 2 years I need to get rid of it. all I could think was yeah, just one more thing to add to the pile of emotional and financial issues.

Thank you for writing and caring Tiss.